Oregon duck Jokes

oregon duck jokes
The entire free world dislikes the Oregon ducks; even their own players. Now you can too by sharing these Oregon duck jokes for the Civil War. #GoBeavs

The best Oregon duck jokes

Most Oregon duck jokes are just too easy, but these are the best of the best. Our Oregon duck jokes are sure to fire up those bandwagon lames. #FTd

How many U of O fb players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None; Phil Knight just builds a new building.  

What do Dux fans and hemorrhoids have in common?

They’re both a pain in the ass and never really go away.  

How do you know you are a Dux fan?

Your family tree looks like a telephone pole!  

How do the Dux spend the first week of training camp?

Studying the Miranda Rights.  

What's the difference between Dux fans & mosquitoes?

Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.  

Why did Chip Kelly always wear a visor?

To hide the circumcision scar.  

What do you call a hot chick at Autzen?

A visitor.  

How did the Dux fan die from drinking milk?

The cow fell on him.  

What do you call a Dux fan with half a brain?

Talented & gifted.  

Why did the Dux kicker get fired from the M&M factory?

He was throwing away too many W’s.  

What is the difference between Chip Kelly and God?

God doesn’t think he is Chip Kelly.  

What is the difference between a porcupine and Autzen Stadium?

A porcupine has its pricks on the outside.  

Why are Dux kickers like grizzly bears?

Every fall they go into hibernation.  

Punching a Boise State linebacker:

So easy LeGarrette Blount can do it.  

What is the difference between a Dux fan and a baby?

The baby will stop whining after a while.  

What does a tornado have in common w/ a Dux fan going through a divorce?

In both cases someone is losing a trailer.  

Why do trees in Corvallis lean to the south?

Because the Huskies blow and the Dux suck.  

How we know the toothbrush was invented in Eugene?

Because if invented anywhere else it’d be called a TEETHbrush!

Longer Form Oregon duck Jokes

A little boy and his mother were walking through a Eugene cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: “Here lies an Oregon graduate and a good man.” The little boy asked his mother, “Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?”

A duck football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an unplugged the horse just in time.

Two duck fans were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Duck fan said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second duck fan said, “No. They’re two big to be deer tracks. They must be elk tracks.” As they were arguing back and forth they got hit by the train.

Earlier this week U of O women began showing up with little red dots covering their faces and their bodies. Doctors were mystified about the dots and began running extensive tests on the girls. Finally, the doctors concluded that the dots were actually left by 10 ft poles!

An Oregon student walked into a bar in Eugene and ordered two beers. After he paid for the beers he drank one and poured the other one all over his right hand. The bartender was curious to what he was doing so he asked him, and the duck student replied “I’m trying to get my date drunk.”

A duck was driving North from Eugene at the same time a Beaver was driving South from Corvallis and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on I-5. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage…their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly lucky to be alive. The duck said, “This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time.” The Beaver agreed…he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. “This is truly remarkable,” he said, “God must want us to toast our new-found friendship.” He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the duck, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Beaver replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. “Aren’t you going to celebrate our luck?” asked the duck. Nah, I thing I’ll just wait for the troopers to get here”

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Oregon duck. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were ducks too. No one really knowing what an Oregon duck was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a duck.” Then, asks the teacher, “What are you? “Why, I’m a proud Oregon State Beaver,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. “Well, my mom and dad are Beavers, so I’m a Beaver too.” The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. Would you be a moron too?” A pause, and a smile. “No, then,” says Kristen, “I’d be a duck!”